ALL I HAVE EVER BEEN AND ALL I WILL NEVER BE

I began teaching in 1968 and it was probably in 1991 when my thoughts turned to becoming serious about stand-up comedy, which had been a night time hobby. I wanted to try to get work on TV or in film. I even considered leaving teaching to pursue my dream of becoming a Hollywood movie star.  

So I took another scene study class at HB Studio with Bill Hickey and I enrolled in Weist-Barron and took a few classes in acting for commercials and soap operas. When those sessions ended, I was an energizer bunny. I began a class at The Comic Strip with Rob Weinstein, took a comedy class at The Manhattan Punchline with Gabe Abelson and then a class at The New School with Scott Blakeman. And years later, I was in a class at The Gotham Comedy Club with Dan Vitale. I was a professional student. I was happy. I even won a major contest at Stand up NY Comedy Club to find NYC's funniest teacher. 

I was on a roll...  I bought my way into AFTRA and got some shitty head shots taken. Trust me, they were horrendous. I never worked in anything where belonging to AFTRA even mattered or was even necessary, but I liked being in AFTRA. It made me feel I was making progress. After paying many years of high dues for totally nothing, I asked for an Honorary Withdrawal and received it. 

That was before AFTRA merged with SAG. If the merge was in place, I don't think I would have asked for an honorary withdrawal. I was a stickler for details that would fuel my dream of becoming a movie star and being in SAG would have enhanced my delusions. My fantasy world needed layers down a defined rabbit hole. 

I had written an episode for SEINFELD and sent it for consideration in representation to a talent agency. ICM must have liked it because after they received it from me instead of tossing it into the circular file they sent it to the producers and I received a kind reply from Tim Kaiser! I later did the entire episode on my own internet broadcast. It is up on YouTube, and it is amazing! 

I had to get real. I had taken two Sabbaticals from teaching and completed my second Masters degree. I moved up in the Board of Education pay scale and was moving closer to a point where I could retire. I could not leave my day job. My eye was on the prize at that point: the almighty pension.

And that probably was a good thing because since my retirement in 2002 I have not needed to work. For fun, I volunteered at The Museum of Television and Radio. I loved that little gig: helping visitors in the museum locate on tapes TV shows from long ago for which they had fond memories. But I was fired from that volunteer job! I was never on time and that got on their last nerve. 

My dream was to become a movie star. That never happened. I was not a risk taker and stayed with that day job for almost 35 years. I feel I was hiding under the bed. In many ways, I feel I disappointed my younger self who had so many hopes and dreams. 

I retired shortly after 9/11, in February 2002, from this school. On my last day at PS 134, the view to the west side of Manhattan was very different. 

On my last day of teaching, it was here that I waited for the bus that would take me back home and into my new future. 

I was in a play called Mishkin's Paradise shortly after I retired. We did it at The Producer's Club. It did not make me famous but we had a good time doing it. 

I had a chance to have a major role in Robert Siegel's film BIG FAN, but during a dinner with Robert at The Chelsea Gallery Diner, I recommended another actor for the part: Marcia Jean Kurtz, and he hired her. Why did I do that? Read ROAD TRIPS and understand how my obstacles sabotage my own life. But, it is what it is and was what it was. 

photo credit: Marjorie J. Levine © 2009

Now I am internet famous. I do a daily broadcast as Yetta Telebenda. I have many fans, I make them laugh.... so maybe in some small scale way I actually did "make it."